Between Two Lungs
by mishkaeci
Summary: War has tainted everyone's hearts in Konoha. Even time can't heal the wounds and sometimes love is not enough.
1. Repercussions

"You don't understand because you weren't there. We can't anymore. I'm sorry."

Staring through the blazing sun, Sakura couldn't find the tears to release the pain. The memory can't even give her the freedom to let go. Two years. It's already been two years yet her world has stopped the moment he left her drenched under the rain.

_No one can stop anyone from moving on. It is the memory that traps you – caves you in. In the end, it's all on you. Sometimes, learning to be indifferent saves you from pain._

Dust almost covered everything in his apartment. The bed seemed like a coffin – lifeless and uninviting. Cobwebs hanging on the windows, plants had wilted with lack of sunshine. Kakashi couldn't remember the last time he had been in his room. Walking around his apartment, his footsteps left trails on his dusty floor. Sitting on his tattered sofa, he caught a sight of a picture.

_Was it four years ago? I can barely remember.  
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* * *

><p>The war between Konoha and Cloud has finally starting to settle down. Konoha is slowly recovering from the loss of many lives. The war has not only caused cracked bones and deep cuts but also caused broken hearts and souls. Tsunade can see it in everyone's eyes as she walked around the village. Though the sun is beaming with its shine, the people seemed numb – the heat of the sun can't even penetrate through their ice cold hearts.<p>

Looking at the carved faces of the former Hokages, she heaved a sigh.

_Tell me, when will it be over? At times like this, war should have already ended._

"Tsunade-sama, you called for me?"

Tsunade looked at Shikamaru's lazy aura as he approached her.

"Yes. Let's talk inside the office."

Tsunade motioned Shikamuru to sit down. Pile of documents stacked on her desk. She had been up all night yet reviewing the advices of the council members won't seem to end. Sometimes she wondered how the hell she ended up being the 5th Hokage? She never even expected she'd be up for this.

_Sometimes fate has its own way in giving us what we need not what we want in order to grow._

Shikamaru knew why Tsunade had called him in. He knew the Godaime is trying her best to be a mother to all but this time is not the best time for him to talk about it. From all those years, he knew how much he'd changed – how much fate has made him more concerned about just everything that happened.

"How's Ino doing?"

Though he had expected the question, hearing Ino's name stings him.

"She's okay Tsunade-sama."

"Shikamaru, we all know what happened—"

"Tsunade-sama, with all due respect—"

"With that respect Shikamaru, you will let me come to her."

Tsunade saw him clenched his fist and jaw tightened. She knew this wouldn't be easy for him but she needed to see Ino. Losing their baby had caused the woman so much pain that she didn't want to come out from her room. Even as a husband, Shikamaru can't even make her pain go away.

"The last time I came here, I was asking you to let us go somewhere – anywhere just to be far away from here but you won't allow us. That time I thought that by escaping this village could heal her but I was wrong. Ino won't even speak to me. She will just lay there on our bed with her eyes blank – dried from the tears…"

"Shikamaru, the war has ended but I know that the repercussions are still lingering in everyone's hearts. But, we have no other choice but to move on."

"Tsunade-sama, if I were to ask you… If you were on her place, knowing that you could only bear one child in your life then you lost the chance; will you be able to move on?"

Tsunade sighed. The burning tears on the corner of Shikamaru's eyes made her realize that mending a heart is far more complicated than mending broken bones and deep cuts.

_Even time can't heal the wounds.  
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* * *

><p>Tracing the carved names, Sakura still couldn't believe on how many lives has been lost. Sometimes she wondered, from all those missions she was in, why is she still alive? Should be the people who stayed behind supposed to be safe and spared? Yet Hinata and Tenten died while waiting for Neji and Naruto to come home from fighting for the safety of the country. They all came back facing the dreaded picture of Konoha with many ninjas splayed across the streets; innocent children dead under the pile of rocks of bombed houses. How can such tragedy happen in such a short period of time?<p>

Sakura couldn't find any tears anymore. Being an ANBU, she was taught on how to hold back the tears but she wasn't holding it back – her eyes were dried like a dessert and her heart feels like it's no longer beating.

"Please take care of each other Hinata and Tenten. See you both soon."

She whispered as she started to turn her back from the memorial. She saw him walking towards her. She can't be mistaken. Kakashi is back. Her old sensei is back.

"Sakura.."

Kakashi wasn't expecting to see anyone this early at the memorial. Much to his surprise, it was Sakura – the least person he wants to see on his first day in Konoha.

Sakura contained herself and ask him professionally. She slowly closed the distance between them and looked him eye to eye.

"When did you come back?"

"Three hours ago."

"Hm. Welcome back."

Sakura started to leave. Kakashi abruptly caught her arm and held her back.

"Sakura, wait."

"Kakashi. I know."

"He's not coming back."

Without facing him, Sakura slowly removed Kakashi's hand from her.

"When he left, I already know that he won't come back."

Kakashi felt the pain from her words.

"I know I'm partly to blame."

From all the days she wanted the tears to come, why does it have to be now? In front of Kakashi, in front of the man she always blamed for taking Sasuke away from her.

"When Sasuke told me that he'll leave for revenge, the first thing that came into my mind was to go and look for you because I know you're the only one who could stop him… Turned out to be you're the one who made him go. Kakashi, I did blame you – I'm still blaming you but what else can I do now? The damage has been done."

"Sakura, my only reason of telling him was to give him the closure he needs."

"You also gave me the closure I'm dreading to happen. You ended the life I'm starting to create."

Kakashi saw the tears. Clenching his fists, he knew that Sakura won't ever forgive him.

"I'm sorry Sakura."

"I have been sorry for myself for the past four years."

Kakashi looked at her as she walked away. He felt her heavy footsteps on the grass. Sakura is even more ice cold and he's to blame.

For once Kakashi felt his heart dead. She's the only one left in his life – his reason for still being alive.

_Sakura..if you think you're suffering for four years… I have suffered more than that..since you chose Sasuke.  
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><p>Naruto saw Sakura's pain when she traced the names of Hinata and Tenten on the memorial. Even though one year has already passed, he knew the pain won't quickly fade away - even himself couldn't believe that Hinata is gone.<p>

They were together for almost four years. His relationship with Hinata has blossomed into something he never would have expected. The four of them, Hinata, Sakura and Sasuke would always be together. Though the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura was a slow one, he knew that the two would eventually end up being together. But somehow Naruto knew Sasuke was still haunted by his past.

He knew. He was there when Kakashi dropped by Sasuke's apartment that night. He told him that he's on a mission of tracking Itachi and the ANBU team actually needs a back up. Sasuke never had second thoughts of going.

_I couldn't even stop him even though I mentioned Sakura._

"Naruto, I can't start anew with Sakura if my past still haunts me. I owe her that."

"But Sasuke, with the ongoing war here in Konoha, Sakura needs you."

"Naruto,she's an ANBU already. She doesn't need protection."

_I was actually shocked by what he said. He was instantly changed by the revenge he has in his heart for his brother._

From the scene he had just witnessed, he knew, the relationship between Kakashi and Sakura will take time to heal.

"Kakashi. Welcome back."

"Naruto."

"Give her time."

Kakashi deeply sighed.

"I think no matter how long it would take, she won't be able to forgive me."

"You were our sensei Kakashi. You know Sakura well."

"She's changed."

"We've all changed. It's the war."

"Hm."

Kakashi slowly leaned his back and looked up to the blazing sun.

"You haven't told me why you left four years ago."

"Naruto, there are some things we need to fix and sometimes the best way is to escape."

"When you dropped by at Sasuke's apartment that time, he was talking about proposing to Sakura. They were already together for two years when you dropped by."

"I know. She has every right to blame me for everything."

"I don't want to blame you but I just want you to know how Sakura means to me. She's the only one left in my life."

"I know. Believe me Naruto, I know."

"I just hope Sasuke will come back soon."

"He won't be coming back. That's the only message he wants me to say to Sakura when I decided to come back here."

"I hate to say this Kakashi but, you came back with nothing to redeem you from Sakura."

"I know. It's as good as saying I came back dead."

* * *

><p>Using the little chakra he has left, Sasuke jump from tree to tree. He lost track of Itachi two days ago. When Tsunade made an order for the ANBU team to postpone tracking Itachi due to the war in Konoha, Sasuke decided to work on his own. Kakashi can't even change his mind. He just can't back out now when he's so close to avenging his clan.<p>

"What about Sakura?"

Kakashi asked him.

Sasuke knew what is Sakura for Kakashi ever since Sakura became an ANBU. The two of them became so close as Kakashi was the one who trained her. Sakura would always take into consideration all the advices of Kakashi, she was her confidante - her bestfriend as she would always tell him.

Sasuke sometimes felt jealous but he already had Sakura's heart ever since they were children. There was no battle to fight.

Yet Kakashi stood by her side all the time. He has so much respect for the old man because Kakashi never made an impulse to let her know even if he has all the chance he can get. Though Kakashi never told him, Sasuke can tell that Sakura is important to him.

_He loves her too much to even give her up for me. Sometimes I think, Sakura deserves him more than I do._

"She knows how important this is for me."

"I saw the ring Sasuke."

"That can wait Kakashi."

"Time flies so fast you can't even notice it."

"Why Kakashi, do you have any plans on jumping in?"

"Sasuke, I know where I stand. I'm just here to remind you that sometimes, chances can't wait."

"If she can't wait then she doesn't love me that much."

"She waited for you all her life, you know that."

"Then what's the difference of waiting more?"

"You left her again - that's the difference."


	2. Apologies

Sliding the doors of noodles restaurant Shikamaru opened his umbrella. No one expected a strong rainfall until Saturday per weather news. Good thing the rain started to pour when he was still doing his reports at the Headquarters. Shizune offered her spare but old umbrella.

Today has not been a good day for him. The argument he had with his team mates was just because he is being ill-tempered these past few days. The loss and stress is taking its toll on him. He still can't get through Ino.

_I know how much pain she is in now… but she's not the only one.. It's my baby too.._

Gliding through the door of their home, Shikamaru hit the lights of their living room. There she was, her blonde hair splayed-out against the velvet texture of the sofa; her eyes swollen again as her tears rolled through her cheeks, her head resting on her right hand. She didn't even notice him.

Shikamaru, despite his lax demeanour the sight of his wife being in so much pain breaks his heart. The loss of their baby happened so quickly.

It was a sunny afternoon and he was accompanying Ino for her daily walk so as to exercise the lower part of her body for the upcoming birth she will have that is due a week from that day. Suddenly there was an attack from the Cloud – reinstating their demands from Konoha. It was so fast that Shikamaru didn't have the chance to take Ino home. Panic made the whole village sprang into action to save their own families.

Shikamaru defended the villagers alongside Ino. But with too much going on, Shikamaru lost count on how many enemies there are. Ino saw an enemy behind Shikamaru and tried to dodge the kunais directed to Shikamaru. But due to her condition, her reflexes were slowed down and so she was the one who was hit.

She was rushed to Sakura on time but due to the stress she had been under and too much loss of blood, there was no saving for her baby.

When Ino woke up, Shikamaru didn't know how to face her, he didn't even know how to tell her. She was so excited – they were so much excited for the baby since they were informed by Sakura that Ino can only bear child only once due to her complications with her ovaries.

Ino was totally devastated. She didn't come out of her room for a month after the incident. She was lifeless. She was not the Ino he had known for years – the bubbly, loud-mouthed woman he fell in love with. She was torn into pieces.

Shikamaru walked towards her, scooped her up and went to their bedroom. As he laid her on the bed he felt her hands clasped around his arm.

"Shik, I'm sorry…"

"Ino, I understand."

"I wanted to give you the son you've always dreamed of.. and now I can no longer give you that.."

"Shh..I love you Ino, I'll always will..no matter what happened.. We're going to grow old together.."

"I love you too Shik…"

"Please come back soon Ino.. I already miss your nagging.."

* * *

><p>Sakura paved her way to her desk and slouched herself to the stack of papers that needs to be submitted to Tsunade tomorrow. Much to her dismay, Ibiki informed her that he will need a compilation of medical reports that took place during the war. Sakura is not up for gathering intelligence right now yet she has to – she also needed some distraction.<p>

Setting aside Tsunade's request, she came upon on Ino's case. Her bestfriend's loss of baby was heart breaking. She hasn't seen Ino for awhile. From what Tsunade told her, Ino still can't open up to Shikamaru. The last time she visited her, Ino was like a statue displayed on her bed, staring into nothingness.

Sakura felt guilty that time, she felt helpless that couldn't even save the baby. Even though she was gifted with vast medical expertise, she was of to no use. She partly blames herself and so she couldn't manage to visit her often.

Sakura clasped her hand on her chest. Memories of war always make her hard to breathe.

_Sasuke.._

Kakashi tapped his foot while waiting for Tsunade. After four years, he will finally see Tsuande again. Even though he has the chance to drop by in Konoha, he never gets the chance to visit the Hokage. With the unending war and continuous exchange of agreements, Tsunade rarely gets out from her office. Sometimes Kakashi assumes that her office can be considered as her home.

"Finally, we meet again Kakashi."

"Tsunade-sama. You looked thinner."

"Blame it on the war. So how was the mission?"

"As you've ordered, we've postponed tracking Itachi. We have couple of hints about his whereabouts but he's too skilled to escape even before we reach his location."

"Any news on Sasuke?"

"Tsunade-sama,my apologies for not being able to bring back Sasuke."

"Kakashi no need for apologies. It's his choice. And I believe that even though if we tried to stop him, we can't. Uchihas were born hard-headed. Plus I think it's just fine to let him be for his own closure."

Tsuande looked at Kakashi intently. She can feel how heavy the topic was for him and it's because Sakura is connected to this.

"He's not coming back."

"He doesn't care at all does he?"

"I shouldn't have suggested him that time."

"Kakashi. If you haven't suggested Sasuke as a back up, when will you think he will go after Itachi? When he's already married to Sakura? That's far more complicated I believe and it'll hurt Sakura even more."

"At the end of the day, I know I'm the only one to blame."

"Kakashi, if he truly loves Sakura, he won't leave her again. Because when it all comes right down to it, Sasuke can never undone what happened to his clan. He won't get anything from taking revenge – he will only feel much more remorse."

"_Sasuke, please don't leave.."_

"_You know how much this means to me.."_

"_Does it mean much more than I?"_

"…"

"_Sasuke please…will you come back?"_

"_Please don't wait for me."_

"_Revenge won't heal the pain..you know that."_

"_You don't understand because you weren't there..We can't pursue this anymore..I'm sorry Sakura.."_

Sakura woke up drenched in sweat on her desk. She glanced at the clock – 6:45pm. She wiped her tears away.

_I really thought my eyes can no longer shed one tear but when it comes to you Sasuke…_

"Sakura."

She looked at the door and saw Kakashi standing with his hand on his pockets, his back slightly slouched and his gray hair tousled on one side.

"Kakashi about the reports Tsunade wants, tell her I'm not finished yet."

Kakashi was there for five minutes already. He saw the tears slid from her eyes while she's sleeping. He knows it was Sasuke she's dreaming about. He couldn't fathom why he's even in this position. He never planned on falling in love in his entire lifetime – much more to his former student. But Sakura managed to open up the side which Kakashi has long forgotten – his ability to love. Being on countless missions entails recurrence of loss and tragedy and so Kakashi was moulded into a person with heart as a stone.

But when Sakura decided to enter ANBU, he was given the chance to know her better as a woman – as a colleague and not as his former student. Sakura has so much energy that it bounces on him. She can easily go with his comical antics and slightly perverted jokes. She can be serious and funny at the same time. Kakashi saw how much she matured into a person full with confidence yet still down to earth.

She was every bit of a woman he never thought he'd dreamed of. She was the one who broke his promise of living his life alone.

Yet Kakashi knows she can't have her. He already lost even before the fight began. And now, he made the whole situation more complicated that it already was.

"Tsunade says you can submit it in two days."

"Got it. Thanks Kakashi."

"Sakura, can we talk?"

"We're already talking."

"Sakura..please?"

Sakura looked up to him and sighed. There's no escaping from this type of confrontations. Sakura already memorized Kakashi's behaviour since her childhood. And from the looks of him, he will not give up his ground.

"What's this about Kakashi?"

"I just wanted to apologize."

"You've already said that dozen times."

"But you're not listening."

"Kakashi. I said it before, I know."

"What do you know Sakura?"

She can't control her temper anymore. First her dreams then this? What does fate wants her to do? Throw a fit because her only mentor and best friend actually took her love of her life away from her? She already accepted the fact that Sasuke won't be coming back, what does Kakashi wants now?

"I know you only want the best for Sasuke and that you're too willing to sacrifice me just for his damn closure!"

"Sakura, listen to me."

"What else is there to explain Kakashi? You are my best friend next to Ino, you should have known that I can't survive this."

Kakashi closed the distance between them. He looked into her eyes. As much as he wanted to hug her, he just can't.

"Sakura, what I did was actually what's best for you, not for Sasuke. If I haven't told him about the mission, when do you think he will leave? After both of you decided to settle down?"

"Kakashi, you have no right to plan things for me. You are just my mentor and best friend. You have no right making the decisions which you thought was best for me."

"You're right. I'm in no position to tell you what you should do or should not do because yes, I will always be your best friend and mentor. I'm sorry for barging in into your life Sakura."

Sakura watched him leave as her tears rolled down her cheeks again. For some reason, it pained her saying those things to Kakashi. For some reason, she felt regret.

* * *

><p>Kakashi fumbled for his keys and cracked open the door to his apartment. Throwing himself to the sofa he heaved a sigh. Staring into the light of the fluorescent of his apartment he lifted his hands towards his head. Such a tiring day it was. He closed his eyelids and let out an exasperated sigh. How much complicated can it get?<p>

He let the image of the roseate haired kunoichi linger his mind. What happened earlier bitterly stabbed him. Kakashi is known by everyone as a light-hearted guy – couldn't care much about too serious things. Until that incident between them happened – that changed everything.

_Packing up his tools he readied himself to meet Asuma, Genma and Gai at the pub. 'It's pub night,' he muttered beneath his mask. He was eager to see them as he has been so busy training Sakura._

"_Kakashi-sensei, what are you up to tonight?"_

_Kakashi's gaze went to the girl in front of him._

"_Sakura, I'm headed to the Pub to meet the boys."_

"_Ah-huh. It's boy's night out huh?"_

_Sakura winked at him giving him the idea that she knows the meeting doesn't only consist drinking but also flirting._

"_Hm, you could say that." Kakashi chuckled._

"_Well, I was also thinking of going to the Pub tonight. Ino said she'd be there tonight."_

_Kakashi looked at her intently as she dropped her Medical Kit in her locker. With her back on Kakashi, she took off her training shirt and replaced it with plain black racer back sleeveless. Kakashi cleared his throat._

"_Oh. Sorry Kakashi. I trust you; you won't be peeking at your own student while undressing, will you?"_

"_Of course not Sakura."_

_With too much time of being together, Sakura learned to be comfortable with Kakashi. Even undressing in front of Kakashi doesn't concern Sakura at all._

'_Why would she be concerned? She's way too younger than me for me to even think about it.' Kakashi huffed._

"_Okay. I'm ready. Let's go."_

_Kakashi blinked. "Wait. What? Are you going with me?"_

"_Yeah. Don't worry, I won't scare your girls away. I'll be with Ino." Sakura smirked._

_It was supposed to be just one of the nights wherein he'll get slightly drunk and get home with a girl and forget about it after. But that night was jam-packed with ANBUS and civilians as well. Even Shikamaru and his gang was there, plus Naruto and Hinata. It was some kind of reunion for them._

_As the night went on, with unexpected turn of events Kakashi and Sakura found themselves in one spot together with the drunkards._

"_Oh. Kakashi, you couldn't escape us tonight and flirt, can you eh?" Sakura said sloppily._

"_Sakura, you have been drinking too much," as Kakashi tried to take away another bottle of sake she grabbed from the table._

"_Sensei, it is okay. Sasuke is not even here to guard me…So don't even say a word to him."_

"_Sakura. Take it easy will you?"_

"_That bastard left me just coz he has to find ways how to kill his brother. To hell with his revenge!"_

_Kakashi sighed as Sakura took another shot of sake. 'What's with youngsters these days? Can't they just put off their personal matters aside and just enjoy their life?'_

"_Well, you can tell him that when he comes back."_

"_Yeah right. IF he comes back. What else can I do now huh Sensei? I've been waiting for him all my life! Damn it!"_

"_Hm, you can put your feelings off. But that's only if you can."_

_Sakura motioned herself towards Kakashi. She leaned over him – close enough that Kakashi can smell the alcohol from her mouth._

"_How can you be so darn insensitive Kakashi? Don't you feel anything towards anybody? You just do it with them, leave them and forget about it? Tell me, how do you do that?"_

"_I'll tell you when you're sober. Come on, I'll get you home."_

_Dragging Sakura home was the least thing Kakashi wants to do. He'd been eyeing the waitress at the pub the whole night but she can't get through him because of Sakura's drunken behaviour towards him. He's already lacking on that aspect for days now._

'_Dang. That can wait. I'll just have to get her home. I'll make her pay up for this tomorrow in her training.'_

_Kakashi slowly fixed her on her bed. With the looks of it and with her heavy breaths, the kunoichi is fast asleep. Sakura had two bottles of sake tonight. Kakshi couldn't believe it himself; she's learning how to drink well – except how to deal with it after. As Kakashi started to leave, Sakura caught his shirt and tugged it slightly._

"_Kakashi.. I wish you're the man I fell in love with.. you never did left my side," Sakura whispered, still her eyes closed._

_Kakashi was taken aback. Stunned for a few seconds and stared at Sakura's sleeping state. His heart was beating so fast, the thumps were so heavy – so loud he could hear it in the deafening silence of Sakura's apartment._

_Suddenly he felt his hands tracing Sakura's face – he abruptly took a step back._

_What the hell just happened?_

_Sakura muffled in her sleep and changed her position with her back from Kakashi._

"_Kakashi… I don't believe you when you said you are not capable of loving someone…"_

_Was she asleep or what? Is she pretending to be asleep? How can she say these things with her state? Kakashi knows a drunken person when he sees one and Sakura was really drunk to even say those things. And Kakashi, with his personality, he couldn't care much about it – yet he did._

'_Oh shit.'_

And so the changing began. He was totally changed since then. And now with all these events happening between them, how can he possibly turn it off just like he said 4 and half years ago?

_This is fate punishing me for being so indifferent._


End file.
